Same Auld Lang Syne
by MyTypeOfGuyIsFictional
Summary: AU: Penelope left three years ago. Now, on Christmas Eve, Derek runs into her at the grocery store, and they get to talking for the first time in three years, setting off a chain of events that will alter their lives forever. Garcia-centric. Slight M/G, mentions of past Kevin/Garcia. Written for CelticFire32 in the CM Christmas Fic Gift Exchange. Please R&R
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Written for CelticFire32 in the CM 2014 Christmas Fic Gift Exchange. Sorry I couldn't write you Hotch/JJ, but since you said any pairing was ok, I went with one I could. Also, this is my first published CM fanfic, so I hope I stayed somewhere NEAR the realm of IN CHARACTER, so if someone goes a bit OOC, I apologize. Please R&R**

**Prompts: "Same Auld Lang Syne", "It's a Wonderful Life", three wisemen, Ghost of Christmas Past**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still do not own Criminal Minds. I have, however, enlisted Nicholas Cage in helping me steal the rights, in exchange for my help in stealing the Declaration of Independence. **

**Warnings: Angstiness ahead. You have been warned. **

Derek Morgan was running late, speeding through the few cars on the snowy roads. He'd forgotten to pick up a bottle of red wine for his sisters, who had flown in from Chicago the night before to spend Christmas at his house. He pulled into the shopping center closest to his house and as he walked towards the liquor store, he spotted a familiar face among the crowds of stragglers that had to finish Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. As the snow fell around her, he knew that it was_ exactly_ who he thought it was. Not daring to believe it, he followed her into the grocery store, and as he turned a corner, he knew it was Penelope Garcia, live and right there in front of him. He followed her into the frozen food section where she was picking out a tub of rainbow vanilla ice cream, a treat he could vaguely remember having eaten at a party at her house four years ago, a few months before she left.

"Baby Girl?" he asked hesitantly, touching her sleeve. She spun on her heels, and after a second, her eyes flew open, and she took a step back.

"Choc- Derek, hi. How- how are you," she stuttered, a bit surprised. "It's been a while." She was a bit nervous, which was evident to the experienced profiler. Even after three years, she still had the same nervous tick of fiddling with her purse when she was uneasy. He tried to ignore it and focus on the fact that, for the first time in three years, he had his Baby Girl near him. It took a few minutes for him to remember that Penelope wasn't _his _Baby Girl anymore. She was Kevin Lynch's Baby Girl now. As they walked, he tried to find a way to continue their conversation, but he couldn't think of anything to say to the woman that had stolen his heart and walked away with half of the pieces, leaving him alone in a world of the darkest and evilest with his only light stripped away suddenly by her leaving.

He eventually settled on "Yeah, it has" and let the conversation fall. Penelope smiled and moved to hug Derek, but instead spilled her purse across the supermarket floor. Derek chuckled a bit and bent over to help Penelope pick up the various colorful things that fell out of her purse. As they bent over, she laughed, and Derek's heart ached for the days that that same laugh had made the darkest of the dark cases more bearable. Garcia's hand almost naturally found Morgan's, and she laced her fingers through his, swinging her hand gently. As they walked, he let go of her hand and stepped away, willing himself not to feel the familiar spark that hadn't ever really dissipated with time. He'd kept on dating around, having a few serious relationships but nothing that would last. All he really wanted was Garcia, but he'd never had the words before she got shot, and once he'd finally found them, she'd been with Lynch. He kept his eyes on her, trying to ignore the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss her then and there. They made small talk for a bit, but he could tell Penelope was still stalling on a topic that she wasn't sure about, and he had an idea of what it was, but no idea of how to initiate it.

"So…" he trailed off as they set her groceries onto the checkout station, where a friendly kid in need of some money was bagging groceries. As the kid handed Garcia her bags, she smiled and moved to pay, only to find Morgan's hand in her way, swiping his card for her with that look in his eyes that dared her to argue. A long time ago, she would've spewed some silly little pick-up line and they would've had a good laugh before their phones would ring with a new case requiring their attention. As always, thinking about those days led Penelope to a topic she was uncomfortable bringing up. As they carried her groceries to her car, she decided to broach the subject.

"So… How's everyone back at Quantico?" she asked. Morgan's eyes grew clouded with anger; a small selfish part of his brain didn't want to tell her about the people she'd left behind. The part of his brain that still loved Penelope Garcia wanted to pull her in tight, kiss her on the lips, and tell her to never leave. The rational part of his brain told him she would slap him across the face if he did. _She's with Kevin,_ Derek scolded himself. He repeated it to himself, a mantra of sorts to keep his mind from going places it never should. He took a deep breath a forced a semi-smile as he thought of the members of his second family, the BAU.

"They're ok. Hotch and Beth finally got married, but I'm fairly sure you were there for that. Um… Prentiss came for a visit last month. She was really here to adopt Declan, though. She had a ring, so I'm assuming she married that British guy, Clyde something-or-other. JJ and Will had another baby. She named Emily the baby's godmother and I'm the godfather…" Morgan trailed off. It felt strange to tell Penelope about the happenings in Quantico, as if she should already know, and her ignorance was unbelievable. A few years ago, that would've been true. A few years ago, she would've been the maid of honor at Hotch's wedding, would've been Rosaline LaMontagne's godmother, would've been at Emily's wedding, hell, she would've been the one _arranging _the damn thing, and, much to Emily's protest, turning the affair into a colorful event to remember from rocking chairs in old age. As that thought ran through his head, Penelope said his name, bringing him back to the present.

"It seems like a lot's happened. Why don't we get a drink since we're both here?" Penelope asked, the nervous air still clinging to her. "I'll buy." She held out her hand to Derek, and he grabbed it as eagerly as he would have three years before, driven by the irrational part of his brain that wanted to believe she had always cared about them, and that she hadn't left by choice, despite all the signs displaying otherwise.

A small part of Derek's mind told him that his sisters were waiting, but the rest of him was so glad to finally see Penelope that he decided to text his sisters that he'd be late. He just hoped they'd understand. Yes, they'd flown from Chicago, but they knew how much he loved Penelope, and they had always been supportive of the two. He fired off a quick text and smiled at Garcia.

"Sure, let's go see if anywhere is open on Christmas Eve," Derek laughed, climbing in the front seat of Esther. He turned to Penelope and said, "I'm so glad this car has a top. I always thought it didn't." They both laughed as the former tech put the car in drive.

"So, how's Reid?" Garcia asked, attempting to keep the news of Quantico flowing. She might not have been a profiler, but she had noticed that Morgan hadn't mentioned the young genius. Morgan's expression shifted to something darker than she'd seen all day.

"He… left, last month. Well, he was forced out," Morgan said quietly. "I'm pretty sure you know what really happened."

"Oh my god, is he-" Garcia began, leaving the word _schizophrenic _hanging in the air. They all knew about his mother, and his genetic predilection to the condition. Morgan nodded sadly, confirming Garcia's suspicions.

"It was hard, Penelope. He… he hallucinated three wisemen giving him advice him at his desk. He began talking to them, and Strauss caught him. We'd all kind of noticed it, but we pretended not to. He was still _functioning_, even solved a few cases, but Strauss noticing pretty much forced our hand. After that, Hotch took him to a psychologist, and he was diagnosed. That was a hard night, for all of us. When I got to his house, he had his gun against his temple. I didn't even think, I just grabbed the gun and turned it away from him. I shot a hole through his wall into the vacant apartment next door, and Hotch shouted at me for running into something without thinking, just like you always used to do. After that, Reid told us he didn't want to go to a hospital, but he soon realized that we couldn't take care of him. He checked himself in last month…" Derek told her as they drove down the streets, becoming lost in the memory of that horrible night. Tears gathered in Penelope's eyes as she pictured Spencer Reid so helpless and broken as to take his own gun and put it by his head. He'd always promised her he'd never do that, but she wasn't angry with him for breaking a promise made in sanity that was broken in a moment of insanity. She was upset with herself for not being there, and the entire team for not trying to tell her, even though she admitted to herself that they really probably couldn't find her. She'd gone to great lengths to ensure that. However, she detected something else in Derek's voice, a little tiny tell that Derek wasn't giving her everything there was to know about the situation.

"What else aren't you telling me Derek? I might not have ever been a profiler, but I worked with six of the best for eight years. Now spill," Garcia ordered, using the voice she would use on him when he was being secretive during a case. He remembered back to Cindy's case when she'd taken the same tone with him because of some asshole calling him out by name during a takedown. The tone of her voice hadn't changed after all the time she'd been gone. It remained a constant, and, had things been different, he could've relished the sweet sound of it for days on end, but things weren't different, and she had asked a question.

"Reid asked us to see if you could take care of him. He was willing to stay with you, but we couldn't find you. He listed on some form somewhere that you could check him out of the hospital if you ever came back. Ba- Penelope, he needed you, and-" Derek started. He suddenly let the angry part of his brain drop a few misplaced words into their amicable conversation. The angry part, the part that blamed her for everything, for Reid, for the fact that their team was falling apart, for the fact that their new tech was an incompetent brat that couldn't even operate Garcia's system, and for the fact that Rossi had retired, was rearing its ugly head, but Penelope was prepared for it, expecting it, even. She stepped back a bit, her walls going up to protect the soft interior that was Penelope Garcia, the girl who was still just that, a girl trying to see the world without being clouded by the cynicism that floated around the BAU like an incurable and highly contagious disease. She felt tears well in her eyes and scrubbed furiously at them, trying to avoid showing weakness in front of her old colleague. She turned to face him, anger and defensiveness woven into her features and voice as she responded.

"No, don't even try that Derek! Don't try to guilt me back into your life! When I left three years ago, I left for a reason. I didn't want that life anymore. I loved you guys, I really did, but… I was tired of closing my eyes at night and seeing dead bodies, of typing my fastest and being just five seconds too late, of watching you all run into danger from the safety of my computer bubble, so when my required time with the FBI ended, I had already planned to leave, and I'm sorry if I left at the wrong time, but I _couldn't_ do it anymore Derek, I just couldn't. It hurt too much," she choked up, tears painting her cheeks a rainbow of colors like the emotions inside of her. She leaned over towards Derek, feeling the old familiar spark but trying desperately to ignore the feelings that would only screw up the carefully placed walls around her heart that she'd built up brick by brick when she left.

"Pen…" Derek trailed off. She leaned in and kissed him on the head, and got out of the car. Penelope walked around her warm car to open Derek's door, standing beside it and gesturing to him to get out.

"I'm choosing to believe your were my Ghost of Christmas Past, reminding me of my old life. Now I'm going to sit with Kevin on our little farm in the middle of nowhere while we watch "It's a Wonderful Life", make bad nerdy jokes, eat popcorn, and listen to Captain Kirk neigh outside because he's never seen snow before," Garcia said as he got out.

"Bye, Baby Girl," Derek said, the familiar nickname rolling off his tongue as she climbed into her car, driving out to her little farm, not telling Derek that Kevin was the name of her cat in the hopes of avoiding an awkward conversation, even more awkward flirtation, and a pity invitation from someone she once loved, still loved, and would always love.

As she pulled up to her house, she realized it was too big for just her. It was big enough for someone else, someone who could fill the void that Lynch had left in her all those years ago when he broke up with her that night, the night she refused to marry him. It was big enough to fit one more person in the lonely world of a barn cat, two horses, a foal, and a lonely old animal lady without hope of finding love outside of the one person she knew she could never have.

Putting her car back in drive, she headed out towards the hospital Morgan said Reid was in, hoping the visiting hours hadn't ended yet.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: So, I have decided to continue that one-shot I posted, with this little thing. Dedicated to CelticFire32 because the original part of the story was for the CM CFGE for her. Warning, there will be much angst, and some fluff later on. Also, it should be noted that this is AU. Also, I have taken certain liberties with lots of thing, so if things are unrealistic, I don't care very much. Please R&R. FLAMES WILL BE DONATED TO HOMELESS PEOPLE LIVING UNDER BRIDGES IN THE 1930s!**_

_**Disclaimer: Well, our plan to steal the rights failed miserably... I think I'm just gonna go eat pancakes and then drown my sorrows in ice cream...**_

Spencer Reid sat in a large armchair, a slightly ratty blanket tossed haphazardly over his shoulders. He rocked back and forth slightly, trying to ignore the voices whispering in his ears. They had changed since he first heard them, but they hadn't stopped whispering to him. He nibbled on the tip of his thumb, rocking more harshly as they grew louder.

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" he shouted, swatting the air around his head. This was one of his worst days, when nothing made sense and the world was out to get him. His nurse, a quiet woman named Michelle, brought over his medicine, and tried to get Spencer's attention. As he calmed slowly and looked at her, slowly becoming more lucid, he accepted the pills and swallowed them, moving his tongue around to show the nurse he had. As his mind became more clear, he picked up a book, specifically the _Narrative of John Smith, _tracing his fingers over Maeve's dedication. It seemed to Spencer to help him remember to have Maeve's book with him, to feel her words with his hands and remember everything.

On a normal night, no one would come near Spencer unless he needed medication, a new book, or he had a visitor, which was often, but the team came on a predictable schedule, only changing when there was a case, so when he saw the evening nurse approaching, he was slightly confused.

"Spencer, you have a visitor," she said quietly, trying to keep her voice from echoing in his small room. She offered her hand, but he kept his in the pocket of his pants, a habit that had only grown stronger with his diagnosis. He stood up and began walking down the tiled hall, somewhat confused. Maybe JJ had come with Henry again. She brought him a lot because Henry was always asking to visit his Uncle Spence, according to her. They walked in silence for a while, their footsteps the only source of noise in the entire building.

"Who is it?" he asked, pulling his fingernail out of his mouth, another habit that had developed after he was diagnosed. He pulled his ratty blanket over his shoulders and followed the nurse, glad that the voices had stopped talking. His rational brain told him that the medicine made them quiet, and he tried to remind his brain to remember this the next time, even though it had never worked before.

As they walked into a small visiting room, Spencer Reid balked for a minute. He knew that face, from a long time ago, from his old life.

"Garcia?" Spencer asked. Penelope responded with a big hug, one that Reid hesitantly accepted, remembering the blonde's fondness for them. He had never understood them, and would have spouted off facts if it weren't for Garcia's close proximity, something he'd missed for the three years since she'd left.

"Oh, my beautiful Junior G-Man, it's been so long, and I missed you _so_ much," Penelope said, letting go of Spencer reluctantly, only then remembering his old reluctance to hug.

"What are you doing here?" Reid asked. He remembered that the team couldn't find Penelope for years, so to see her out of the blue was a surprise, to say the least.

"If I had known you were here, I would've come the day you got here. I _should've_ been here the day you got here, and I'm sorry," Penelope said, sitting in one of the large armchairs in the visiting area. "I brought you a book. Unfortunately, I only had two books in my house, and one was about hacking, which I don't think you'd want, but the other was a French bible left by the previous owner that I have tried and failed to read. In my defense, old French is different than the French I took in high school." Penelope pulled an old, leather-bound volume out of her bag and handed it to Spencer, who accepted it eagerly. As soon as the book was in his hands, he was already reading it at light speed, his schizophrenia not having slowed his incredible reading speed nor dulled his genius.

"Reid," Penelope prompted, awakening the young genius from his book-induced trance. He closed the book.

"Thanks, I really needed a challenge. English gets so boring. Besides, they don't like it if it's not in English," Reid said. It was the first sign Penelope had seen all day that hinted at Reid's changed mental state.

"Who doesn't like it?" Penelope prompted, trying to understand Reid's delusions, not like she would ever call them that in front of him.

"The voices. I know they're not real, that I'm crazy, but they're so _loud_ sometimes, but they don't understand anything other than English, so they go away when I read books in other languages," Reid explained.

"Excuse me, but visiting hours end in ten minutes," Spencer's nurse said, opening the door just enough to announce her message before leaving.

"Well, that's too bad. I would've liked to spend more time with you," the former profiler said with a sheepish smile. Penelope hugged him again, pulling him into her crushing embrace.

"I have to clear some things with the doctors and get my house set up to do it, but I was thinking that, if you want, I could bring you home with me. Seeing as I'm technically retired and I just do over-the-phone tech support, I'm able to take care of you and bring you with me," Garcia told him, finally pitching the idea that had been floating around her head ever since Morgan dropped it there at the grocery store. She looked away for a second, not wanting to see his face, before turning back to see Reid with the biggest smile she'd ever seen on his face.

"I told everyone that you'd come. No one believed me, but I told all of the team you would. And now, the dream I've had, it'll come true," Reid babbled excitedly. "But wait, what about Kevin?" Garcia mentally slapped herself. She'd forgotten that no one knew that she and Kevin had broken up.

"He and I split a few months after I left. He didn't want me to adopt this horse that wandered onto our farm, and since I paid for the place, I told him to leave if he couldn't accept it. I didn't think he would, but he did. Anyway, now that big girl's got her own stallion and she gave birth to a foal last month," Penelope began to lose herself in thoughts of her animals, her only steady companions after Kevin had left her.

"Oh, all right. As long as I'm not intruding," Reid said. Penelope laughed a bit at this.

"Honey, you could never intrude on me in _any _way. Don't forget that, ok?" her voice changed into the Mama Bear voice she used with Reid every time he did something that ended in him getting hurt.

"Ok…" Spencer said, bringing his finger to his mouth. He nibbled on the nail subconsciously. He could hear them whispering again.

"Reid?" Garcia asked as she noticed his thumb near his mouth. He turned his head to her, astonished to find that the voices seemed to fade a bit. They were still there, but it wasn't as unbearable as it often was. _Maybe it's like after a case, when Garcia would make all the bad things go away,_ Reid's mind told him. He accepted this as fact and smiled at her.

"You make them go away," he breathed as if to dare the universe to send back the voices, even more surprised to hear them continue to fade away. Penelope stared at him, watching his features light up like a child in a candy store. "You make them stop…"

Garcia wanted to ask what he was talking about, but the nurse had already returned for Reid. As he walked down the tiled hallway, Penelope followed them, walking to Reid's room with him. As the door closed and she heard Reid settle into bed, she fell into step with his nurse, steeling herself for the conversation she knew she had to have, the one that would hopefully end with an (albeit sleepy) Reid in her car, on the way to her little farm in the middle of nowhere.

"Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia, and I'd like to take Spencer Reid home now."


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Because I needed a reason to procrastinate on reading the **_**Odyssey_ (boring book, by the way), I decided to update this instead. Twice in one day, I must be crazy. Relishing the fact that Mystery, my irritating, if somewhat fun CM muse, has come back. Now let's just hope she stays._**

**_ALSO, HOLY FLAMBAMS I HAVE 10 REVIEWS! THANKS TO ALL OF YOU:_**

**_*DEEP BREATH* CelticFire32, went, smurfgirlx, Penelope295, Lenika08, and kimd33! YOU ALL GET GARCIA-SIZED HUGS FROM ME!_**

**_REVIEWS WILL BE FED TO MYSTERY. SHE IS HUNGRY. FLAMES WILL BE DONATED TO PROMETHEUS._**

**_Disclaimer: I have come up with a new idea. I will simply send Mystery to steal the rights. But until she gets back, I still don't have 'em. _**

_Previously on Criminal Minds: "Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia, and I'd like to take Spencer Reid home now."_

The nurse seemed prepared for this conversation, as if she'd been expecting it. She didn't even flinch as she replied, "Yes, Spencer has talked about you before. He said you were coming to take him home. At first, I thought you were a delusion, but when I asked Jennifer, she told me you were, in fact, quite real, and you'd been MIA for a few years. Unfortunately, I can't move Spencer out tonight, and it would be a somewhat long process. We're quite careful when it comes to these things, as you could imagine."

Penelope smiled, a few traces of sadness hanging on her features. She had been hoping to not have to spend Christmas alone in her big ranch. Somehow it felt wrong, and it would've been better if there'd been someone there. She missed how sometimes on Christmas, if there wasn't a case, they would all go to Rossi's and have a huge Christmas party with everyone and their families. She wished she could do that. _You _could've, she reminded herself. _But you ran away. _The last part was almost triumphant, her mind gloating over its victory against her, gloating because she would be alone and it would be _all her fault._ Penelope knew she wouldn't have anyone at her house for Christmas besides her pets, so she set her mind on the next best thing: having Reid there as quickly as possible.

"I understand, but I also want to ask if we can move the process as quickly as possible?" Penelope requested, twiddling her thumbs and adjusting her purse strap. In her mind, an inner voice was berating her for the fact that there even _was _a process, reminding her that Spencer could have been in her care from the beginning if she hadn't run away. She silenced that part of her mind and focused on the nurse. She read the nurse's nametag. _Michelle._ She hoped Michelle was going to agree. Maybe, if she crossed her fingers, Reid would be able to come home with her by New Years. That was her plan, and it seemed that Michelle would help Penelope, based on the smile that rested over her features.

"Of course, I'm happy to help. Also, the more often you can visit Spencer the better. He'll be more adjusted to you if we do that," Michelle explained. Garcia nodded, mentally noting that she'd have to start taking the half days that she had been offered in order to visit Reid daily, at least until he moved in. She really was the best, after all, and the company she worked for would give the former FBI agent just about anything to keep her on, seeing as she could fix any computer problem. They were worried that she would take Apple up on their offer, a job in warm, sunny California with cushy pay, but they didn't know Penelope Garcia at all. She would never leave Virginia for any reason, especially not to go back to the state her parents died in. Before she could be lost in memories of them, she swiftly returned to the present as the nurse wished her a good night. Nodding, Penelope grabbed her purse from the counter and smiled to the other woman before walking out into the parking lot, her neon yellow heels clicking on the pavement, leaving small prints in the freshly fallen snow.

She climbed into her car, an old car that couldn't seem to decide if it was red or orange, and drove towards her lonely house, dead-set on a nice movie night with her cat. Just because his human namesake wasn't there anymore didn't mean she couldn't enjoy movies with him, even though he admittedly couldn't understand the movies, or her nerdy jokes like his namesake would have, had he not walked out of Penelope's life over a horse.

As she rolled into the driveway, the former tech noticed something left on her seat: a single purple flower. She was surprised she hadn't noticed it before, but then remembered that, with everything going on, she probably saw it and didn't pick up on it. She took it from the seat, admiring the perfect flower. She recognized it as an iris, although she wasn't quite sure how. She knew she had seen it somewhere before, and had a brief snippet of Reid telling her what it was. For some odd reason, she couldn't remember why or how she got it the first time. Underneath the one on her car seat was a note with two words on it: Baby Girl, written in a black curling script that Penelope would've known anywhere, even after three years.

She picked up her phone and didn't hesitate in pressing speed dial eight, the one she'd set for Derek the day she bought her new phone. Even though Penelope still remembered his number by heart, it was much faster to press the speed dial.

As the phone dialed, her breathing sped up. Speed dial made it harder for her to give up, but she still could make it. As her heart sped up, she heard the line connect.

"Morgan," Derek answered gruffly. Penelope could hear sounds of a party in the background and smiled into the phone, not realizing she had paused until Morgan prompted her with a quick, "Are you there?", which reminded Penelope that Derek was listening. The former FBI tech settled the nerves that were chewing at her stomach. She could do this.

"Hi, um… I got the flowers. Thanks," she mumbled quickly, hanging up the phone as quickly as she'd dialed, leaving a very confused Derek Morgan on the other end. He put his phone away, a dazed look on his face. He turned towards his younger sister Desiree, the youngest of the Morgan children.

"Who was that?" she asked, her two-year-old daughter toddling over and repeating the question in that adorable drabble that is a toddler's voice.

"Someone," came Derek's quick reply as he held up his hand to his niece. She gave him the little high-five her toddler hands could barely manage and beamed from ear to ear, mirroring how the tall profiler felt on the inside. Penelope had called him, and that meant she was ready to come back into their lives.

_Reid was right again,_ Morgan marveled. _Baby Girl really is coming back._


	4. Chapter 4

**Well, my muse deserted me yesterday. Stupid Mystery. Anyway, I found her last night, but I'm a little unsure about this chapter.**

**In other news: I have a dance performance this weekend so I probably won't update on Friday. **

**Please R&R. FLAMES WILL BE GIVEN TO ROY MUSTANG. THANK YOU.**

**Disclaimer: Well, Mystery abandoned me to myself, so I guess I'm going to just help myself to the rights. Maybe they'll sell them. Let's see... *rummages through bag* I have a pencil, a paper clip, several thousand bobby pins and a bottle of hairspray...**

Penelope's farm was, to say the least, a big place. As she drove down the quarter-mile long gravel driveway, she realized just how empty it was. Not a soul was nearby. Even her horses were in the barn instead of enjoying their little pasture. It was far too cold for them to be outside.

Penelope opened the door of Esther and stepped out, feeling the warmth emanating from her house. She twisted the key in the lock and opened the white wood door.

"Hey, buddy," she greeted her excitable kitty, closing the door and picking him up. As she set down her purse, Kevin purred in her arms, nudging his head against her chest.

"I hope that's code for 'Let's go watch a movie', because that's where I'm going," Penelope said, scratching the kitty's ears gently. She set him down on the couch and turned on the movie system she had bought, opening her DVD collection and finding 'It's a Wonderful Life'.

"Meow," the cat said. Garcia chuckled.

"'It's a Wonderful Life'" it is, then," she said, popping the DVD into her TV system. As the opening credits began rolling, she pulled Kevin in close and snuggled her little grey kitty, content to just sit there and stare at the TV. The cat was intrigued too, mostly because the black box was suddenly talking to him, or so he thought. Penelope laughed as Kevin began batting at the screen, although she couldn't really tell exactly why.

As the end credits rolled, she shut off the TV and picked up her phone, her finger hovering over the contact info for Emily. She scrolled past it, her eyes stopping on JJ's, the only number she'd called since she left. At first, they'd kept in sporadic contact, before she'd worked up the nerve to move to the ranch, but as soon as she'd moved, she'd let contact drop, and once she replaced her phone, she gave up all contact. She was sure that they still called her old number sometimes, maybe by accident.

Her heart ached for the old days. She didn't miss the blood and gore, and she certainly didn't miss spending 27 hours straight in her little bat-cave, but she missed the off days, the days of taking Henry and Jack to the park, the days of Jack's soccer games, the girls' nights that she had shared with the other girls of the team, regardless of how long they spent with the BAU, the flirting over the phone with Derek Morgan. Derek Morgan, the man who held her heart and now occupied her thoughts, the one she'd loved ever since he called her Gomez, her Chocolate Thunder. She missed him, more than she'd ever admit to anyone. She might've even loved him. There was no _might_ about it, in her mind. She did love him, and it was killing her not to call him.

_You're afraid,_ she thought to herself. She agreed with her inner self. She was scared that he wouldn't care anymore, that he didn't love her. She'd seen the side of him that was still angry with her at the store, when he'd finally accused her of something, even if it wasn't directly. She knew he wouldn't trust her, but her gut said that maybe she could rebuild the trust she shattered, one piece at a time.

Her finger hovered over Derek's number. It shook as she gently tapped the call button, attempting to steel her nerves for the phone call she had to make.

"Morgan," Derek responded. It was different than last time, happier than before. This time, he knew who was calling.

"Hi, Derek… It's… Penelope," she stuttered out, stroking Kevin as she spoke.

On the other side of the phone line, Derek could hear the cat purring loudly in the background as he answered.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked confidently, even though he was slightly nervous, which, considering the circumstances, was an acceptable reaction.

"I'm… I'm good. I… I went to visit Reid," Garcia told Derek, her voice shaky. She waited for anger, irritation, something, _anything_ that would validate her fears. Finding nothing, Penelope decided to tell him the other part.

"C'mon, Penelope, I know you're holding out on me," Morgan chuckled into the phone, leaving his sisters to wonder whether 'Penelope' was another one of his flings or a co-worker. Sarah briefly remembered Penelope Garcia, and began to wonder. She'd heard talk of how those two spoke to each other, and she recognized the flirtatious tone in her brother's voice. Her brother, meanwhile, was oblivious to his family's stares, lost in the world of his Baby Girl.

"I've decided to take Reid home with me," Penelope continued, leaving out the words that her mind provided: _like I should have before._ She could almost hear the smile drop off Derek's face. He had been expecting this. Derek worked to control his angry mind, the part that wanted nothing more than to berate Penelope for leaving as he thought of how to reply.

"Are you sure, Penelope? I know you have regrets, but isn't that a bit much? Can you help him?" Derek asked. "Can you be the one, at three in the morning, to force-feed him pills while he screams bloody murder and hurts himself, all without meaning to?" It was at this point that both Sarah and Desiree moved to another room, sensing this to be a private conversation. Derek took a breath, prepared to continue, when Penelope broke in.

"I… I can," she murmured, almost to herself. The muscle-bound profiler was taken aback by the determination contained in those words, the kind of fiery determination that Penelope Garcia had once used at her keyboards in a little dark room while she frantically searched for the piece that would click the puzzle together.

It was the determination that, in a small ranch in Georgia, had found the missing link and brought home a traumatized young man by the name of Dr. Spencer Reid.

It was the determination that, in a small town in Alaska, sent Penelope Garcia running to man that was dying to let him see something nice before he died.

It was that determination that Derek Morgan had fallen hopelessly in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

**MYSTERY CAME HOME! For those of you who don't know, Mystery is my irritating CM muse with a habit of disappearing. Because she came back, I wrote another chapter. I don't know why I'm this crazy. Anywho, I won't say much more, expect R&R. Reid lovers, there is some good Schizophrenic Reid at the end here... hehe. AND MY MORGAN/GARCIA PEOPLE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN! **

**FLAMES WILL BE GIVEN TO THE DRAGONS I AM SENDING JUSTIN BEIBER SO THAT THEY CAN BURN HIM ALIVE. THANK YOU!**

**_DISCLAIMER: I probably should give up on trying to get the rights. No one wants hairspray in exchange for characters like these. Anyway, I don't own 'em, probably never will *sigh*. _**

**_ALSO: I HAVE A QUESTION: DO YOU GUYS WANT MORE MORGAN/GARCIA OR MORE REID? Answer in the reviews._**

_Previously on Criminal Minds: It was that determination that Derek Morgan had fallen hopelessly in love with._

Penelope Garcia's breathing was heavy, her mind set, but her heart still ached for the support they once gave each other, always. It seemed that those days were gone, left on the steps of the BAU in her hasty retreat. She ran her hand up Kevin's spine, feeling his soft grey fur on her fingertips.

"Hello?" she asked, having not heard from Derek for over a minute.

On the other side, Derek was stuck in an awestruck daydream, remembering the days when it was _Penelope_, the geeky tech without a gun, who saved the team. Her voice snapped him back, though, and he smiled into the phone.

"I'm here, Baby Girl," he said, the name rolling off his tongue effortlessly. His sisters exchanged a glance. Was it _his_ Baby Girl, the one he'd talked about at Christmas and Thanksgiving, and the one his mother wanted him to marry so that she could finally get some more grandbabies? Derek ignored them, listening for Penelope on the other end.

"I… I have to go," Penelope stuttered. It wasn't the fact that she was talking to Derek, or the fact that Kevin's claws were digging into her legs, although those were contributing feature. It was because Derek had called her Baby Girl.

She was scared, plain and simple. She was scared of the implications of that nickname, so she ran. Again. She wasn't like Derek, who could stand and face down a psychopath with a gun without even flinching. She was Penelope Garcia, the self-proclaimed Maiden of Innocence that still jumped at things that went bump in the night.

So she hung up, afraid of what might come next, terrified that she might care too much about a certain profiler, and even more afraid of her own girlish heart that still dared to dream about a world that could never be, the world in which Penelope Garcia was Penelope Morgan, the world in which her Chocolate Thunder was hers and hers alone, the world in which she had a little child climbing all over her instead of a grey cat.

She resurfaced from that world as Kevin leapt off her lap, and she began cleaning up the guest bedroom. She wanted the gathering dust out before she would bring Spencer home, but she also wanted a good night's sleep.

CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM

Spencer Reid tapped his fingers nervously on the tabletop, the steady drumbeat keeping his mind somewhat lucid. He couldn't slip into a fit of insanity, not now.

It was the day Henry would come to visit.

He always looked forward to Wednesdays because they meant two things. The first was quiz night, when he would impress the entire hospital with his knowledge of truly random crap.

The other was a visit from his godson, a small blonde bundle of energy that brought some color to the neutral background of the hospital. He leaned back in the chair, trying to get comfortable. Even though it was Christmas, JJ had promised that she and Henry would come to visit, and that they would bring Rosaline, JJ's new baby, to meet Spencer for the first time.

"UNCLE SPENCE!" Henry shouted as he jumped up onto Reid's lap. The tall man flinched slightly, undetectable to the children but notable to JJ, before hugging Henry.

"Henry, why don't you climb off of Uncle Spence, ok?" JJ's voice called out softly, a laughing lift in it as she entered the room carrying a bundle of pink blankets.

"Is that Rosaline?" Spencer asked, staring at the bundle in awe. Before JJ could answer, Henry smiled and pointed to the baby.

"That's my baby sister!" he said proudly. Spencer ruffled Henry's hair and laughed.

"So she is. I thought she was an alien," he joked.

"One minute she was in Mommy, and then she was here! And I helped!" Henry bragged. Reid looked to JJ, who laughed.

"That's right. Henry helped the nurse by keeping Daddy out of the room," JJ praised the little boy. She sat in the other recliner in the room as per the usual.

"Can I see her?" Spencer asked, reaching his hands out to take the baby. JJ kissed Rosaline on the top of the forehead before taking her in his arms.

"Hi, Rosie," he murmured, just loud enough for the baby to hear him. Rosaline babbled, drooling a bit, and Reid handed her back to JJ.

"She's beautiful," he said, "Just like her mommy." JJ blushed slightly.

"So, Spence, what's been happening lately?" JJ asked, rocking Rosaline gently.

"I saw Penelope, the real Penelope," Reid replied. "She came to see me, and asked me if I wanted to come with her." The light drained out of JJ's eyes, but she tried to keep a smile on her face.

"That's great, Spencer," she said. On the inside, she was angry, and more than a little hurt. Penelope had left them all, and now she was going to take Reid from them, too? Hadn't she done enough, leaving JJ's son without a godmother and JJ without a close friend in the U.S.? But JJ had honed her skills in performing for the media, and now she would perform for Spencer. It was all an act, a delicate balance between believable and lies, between fiction and fact.

Henry, meanwhile was ecstatic.

"YOU SAW AUNTIE PEN!?" he shouted, causing Reid to flinch slightly and cover his ears. Henry leapt on the startled man. "Is she coming home? Is she is she is she?" Henry demanded. Reid shook his head.

"I don't know Henry. But I hope so," Reid answered the little boy, hope flaring in his mind.

"Come on, Henry, let's leave Uncle Spence in peace," JJ nudged her son, who waved goodbye to his godfather. As they left, Reid picked up _The Narrative of John Smith _and traced Maeve's dedication again.

"Spencer, I'm here," Maeve's voice echoed from behind him. He turned but saw nothing.

"It's not real, not real, not real," he repeated, nibbling at his thumbnail. He rocked back and forth as he heard Maeve begin screaming, and he clapped his hands over his ears.

"Spencer!" she screamed out, and he tried to tell himself that it wasn't real, it was all a hallucination.

"Stop!" he screamed to his delusion, but she kept screaming in his ears, moving through his hands into his mind. He barely perceived the nurse moving near him, didn't see the needle in her hand, didn't feel the prick on his skin as he fell into a fitful nightmare, his hallucination fading into his altered dreamscape…


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: Shoutout to all my awesome reviewers! I feed your reviews to Mystery, so the more you review, the better this story will be. Anyway, I really like this chapter. Enjoy, my magical purple penguins!**_

_**FLAMES WILL BE DONATED TO THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS!**_

_**Disclaimer: C'mon, does anyone even read these things? Fine, fine, whatever. I don't own CM, I just like to kidnap the characters every once in a while... Especially Penelope. We're on speaking terms now, and she makes me cookies in exchange for computers. Penelope's cookies are worth it...**_

Penelope sat bolt upright, caught in the aftermath of a nightmare, much like the ones she'd experience when with the team. She instinctively reached for her phone to check the time, only to realize she had left it downstairs after her conversation with Derek.

In truth, the nightmares were getting worse. She was remembering _it_ again, the last case before she left. In truth, it was the reason she left, although the fact remained that she didn't want to close her eyes to images of charred and mangled bodies, to the acrid taste of blood, but the memories of that last case was too much.

She had been five seconds too late.

Five seconds sooner, they would've been able to save the two children, and five seconds sooner there would've been two less grieving families in the world.

All it took to end two lives was five seconds.

"_Garcia, hurry! We need to know where this guy has the children! They're in his warehouse!" Hotch spoke into the phone. Penelope's fingers skittered over her black keyboards, searching for _anything_ that could help the team save Annabelle and Keith Taylor, a pair of siblings that had been abducted from Troy, Mississippi. She typed quickly, the clock in the corner of her screen counting down the minutes until the children would be dead, according to the unsub. After ten seconds of searching, she finally found the address, and she sent it to Derek's phone, hoping and praying they wouldn't be too late, but knowing in her heart that they would never make it in time. _

_When the team recovered the bodies of the children and apprehended the suspect, it was a hollow victory, one of the nights when even Penelope sank into darkness. They all tried to console her, tell her it wasn't her fault, but she knew. She only needed to be five seconds faster…_

Penelope shook her head to clear it. She couldn't stay there anymore. If she stayed in that place, she'd retreat back into her life of solitude, and she couldn't do that, not when she had Reid to bring home.

She grabbed her car keys and climbed into Esther. She would visit Reid and wish him a merry Christmas. After all, even if it was a day late, it was better than nothing.

She had wanted to go the day before, but she'd been afraid to go. She didn't want to run into the team, not yet. She wasn't ready to see them, wasn't ready to learn that they all hated her.

She wouldn't blame them if they did. She had abandoned them, up and vanished, but she had her reasons. She had been given an out, the end of her required time with the FBI, and she'd taken it.

If she were being honest, she'd admit that Hotch would've let her leave whenever she wanted to, but she preferred to believe that she had been forced to stay until the end of her required time. It made things easier that way.

As she drove by herself, she turned on the radio, searching for a song, any song, to fill the car, when she found a station playing Christmas music, although the current song was one she'd never heard before.

_Met my ex-lover in the grocery store,_

_The snow was falling Christmas eve…_

_I stole behind her in the frozen foods, _

_And touched her on the sleeve…_

She blinked in surprise as she realized that she had lived the song just two nights prior, with Derek Morgan, her Chocolate Thunder, and the one she wished she could call her ex-lover. Even to have loved him once would have been better than to never have been able to love him at all. She turned the song up, trying to distract herself from thoughts of kissing Derek Morgan, because she didn't want to end up in a dreaming daze when she got to the hospital.

As she pulled into the parking lot, she spotted a familiar boy with short black hair. Next to him was a tiny girl of about three, and then… then she saw _him_. Aaron Hotchner was there, right in front of her.

She wanted to panic, wanted to run away, but she forced herself to get out of the car. _For Reid's sake,_ she reminded herself. _Go through those doors for Boy Genius._

She walked towards the door, keeping her head down and wishing that she'd had the idea to wear something less colorful, something less Penelope Garcia. Maybe she wouldn't be recognizable after three years.

_You can do this. You can do this._ Garcia repeated to herself as she pushed open the door and saw Hotch, Jack, and the little girl sitting in the waiting area.

"Hi, I'm here to visit Dr. Spencer Reid," Penelope said to the woman at the reception desk, who nodded to her.

"What's your name?" she asked, picking up a pad of paper.

"Penelope. Penelope Garcia," she said to the receptionist.

While Aaron Hotchner didn't hear the exchange, Jack did. The twelve-year-old boy nudged his father and gestured to Penelope. Aaron stood up, a little shocked to see the former tech _here_ of all places. He was sure that she would never want to come back to the team. A small part of him, back in the corner of his mind where his darkest thoughts came from, the place that his desire to beat George Foyet to death came from, wished that she hadn't come. It appeared, at least to Hotch, that his son felt the same way. As he nudged Jack to go say hello, the little boy crossed his arms.

"Why should I care about Auntie Pen?" he whispered angrily to his father. "She left me, even though she promised she wouldn't." With that, Jack walked out the doors, leaving a flustered Aaron Hotchner to chase him down.

"Jack, we're here to see Uncle Spencer. You can storm off later, but right now, we need to wish Uncle Spencer a Merry Christmas, ok?" Hotch said to his son, who relented and walked back inside. The two found Penelope sitting on one of the chairs, with Jack's new little sister Haley trying to talk to her. This angered Jack, and he stomped over and grabbed his baby sister's arm, puling her away from the former tech, much to Haley's protest.

"Wanna talk to color lady daddy!" Haley shouted, trying to pull away from her brother's strong grip. Penelope watched this, tears gathering in the apes of her eyes. She blinked furiously to clear them away, ignoring the Hotchner family conversation in hopes of keeping herself from feeling the hurt of being unwanted by Jack.

Unbeknownst to Hotch, she had heard Jack's entire outburst, and the anger emanating from the boy was so obvious that even she couldn't miss it. The anger directed at her made her want to sob for days on end, but she strung on a mask of happiness and oblivion, staying strong for Reid's sake.

She only wished she could keep her determination long enough to visit with him; her resolve was already starting to break. As she looked up, Penelope caught sight of a nurse entering the room and walking over to the place where Jack, Hotch and the little girl, whose name Penelope had learned was Haley, were sitting.

"Hotchner family?" the nurse called out, reading from a clipboard. Hotch, grateful for the distraction, followed the nurse in to see Reid.

He only hoped he'd be able to deal with what would happen when they left, and the fallout that seeing Penelope Garcia was sure to create. One thing was for sure: he needed to talk to Penelope.

**Please R&R**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Did you miss me? **

**My muse has vanished again. Seriously, I am in writer's block central over here. If ANYONE could give me something they want to see, it would be much appreciated. Anyway, R & R, you know the drill, yada yada yada.**

**FLAMES WILL BE USED TO BURN EDWARD CULLEN INTO DUST! Thank you very much.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own. C'mon, we all know that if I owned the rights I wouldn't be writing FANFICTION, I'd be writing EPISODES**

Jack Hotchner approached his Uncle Spencer slowly. He, unlike Haley, had already learned that his uncle could be unstable at times, and that he could get hurt if he moved too quickly. As angry as he was with Penelope, he wouldn't forget the rules of visiting Uncle Spencer.

"Hi, Jack," Spencer said, a distant look in his eyes. Jack knew that look very well: it was the look that meant that Spencer wasn't completely lucid. He stayed a bit back, holding Haley's hand as they looked at their uncle.

"Hi, Uncle Spencer," Jack said quietly. He took a book from his dad's hands and held it out to Reid, who took it in his hands and opened it, skimming through the pages at an impossible speed. He seemed to forget the two children in the room until Jack said his name.

"Jack, what's wrong?" he asked. Spencer may not have had his FBI credentials anymore, and he most certainly didn't have his gun, but he was still a profiler, and he could still tell that something was bothering the child.

"It's nothing," Jack said quietly, taking his sister's hand and moving back towards his father.

"It's not nothing, Jack. I can tell there's something wrong. You can tell me, I promise," Spencer said, the glazed look in his eyes fading away as he leaned forward.

"I… I saw Aunt Penelope today. I'm mad at her… because she left. She promised she wouldn't, so… why? Why did she leave?" Jack asked, a few tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He brushed them away furiously, not wanting to let anyone see.

Promises had always been important to little Jack Hotchner. His mother had never broken a promise to him before, and he believed that promises should never be broken. Penelope had made a pinky promise with Jack, but she broke it the night she left. Jack looked to Uncle Spencer, the one who always had the answers.

"Penelope was angry and sad when she left, because two little kids, about your age when she left, died. She blamed herself, so she-" Reid began, stopping at a look from Aaron Hotchner.

"I'm sorry," Spencer said, turning away from them and rocking back and forth. The glazed look returned to his eyes as the Hotchner family left the room.

"Is it true, Dad?" Jack asked as they walked down the tiled hallway. "Is that why Aunt Pen left?"

"I don't know, Jack. The only one who can answer that question is Penelope," Hotch answered sadly as they pushed open the door to the waiting room. Hotch looked for Penelope, but saw nothing, so he led his family out the doors and into their car, leaving the hospital behind in the distance.

In the front seat of her old car, Penelope Garcia wiped mascara off of her face, and drove out onto the roads, heading towards her home. As she drove along, her phone began buzzing in her bag, but she ignored it, waiting until she got home to check who had called her. She felt her heart lift as she read Derek's name on the screen.

She dialed his number and waited for his familiar voice on the other end, hoping that it might help erase some of the hurt left by Jack's rejection. She waited for the call to connect, but got nothing except voicemail.

"Hi Derek, it's me, Penelope. Um…" she paused, not really knowing what to say. She hung up the phone and walked out to the barn, where her horses, Captain Kirk, Spock, and Rose, rested, hiding from the snow outside. She stroked Rose's mane.

"It would be nice to be a horse, I think. You've got it easy, Rose. No drama. Geez, I'm crazy. I'm talking to horses now." Penelope laughed to herself as she began cleaning out the stalls, the worst part of owning horses. She wished it was warm enough for her to get lost on the trails outside of her farmhouse, but it was still too cold, too snowy, and too dark for that.

As she walked back to the house, she thought of Jack, and debated over whether or not to dream of a world in which they were all together again, as friends. And maybe a little more, in the case of Derek Morgan. She decided against it, and began baking cupcakes for no one but herself, needing the calming influence of the smell of baking to get over the heartbreak that she was walking into by daring to dream about the fantasy world that could never be.

As she set the tray in the oven, her phone began ringing again. She picked it up and saw that Derek was calling. She answered quickly, the panic that used to arise from talking to him long gone now.

"Hey, sugar, how are you?" he asked. She laughed.

"I'm fine, my brown sugar. Now, if you're calling to respond to me calling to respond to you, then thank you," she replied.

"How are you, really?" Derek asked, sensing something more in he voice.

"I'm all right," she said as a timer went off.

"Crap, hold on, I've gotta fix this-" she began, twisting around to adjust the temperature on the cupcakes in the oven before they could burn.

"You bakin' something sweet, Baby Girl?" Derek asked. Penelope was surprised by the nickname, but less afraid than last time. She had missed this, the casually flirtatious banter of Derek Morgan and his Baby Girl.

"Nothing as sweet as you, my gorgeous hunk of Chocolate Thund- Kevin get off the counter!" she shouted as Kevin jumped into the empty bowl of batter, covering his paws in cupcake batter.

"What is Kevin doing on the counter?" Morgan asked incredulously.

"Um… there's something you should know…" Penelope began.

"I'm listening," Derek said. Penelope gulped and grabbed her cat off of the counter, holding him so he couldn't spread batter all over the house.

"Kevin's… my cat," she said quietly into the phone. She held the phone with her shoulder as she wiped Kevin's paws clean, setting the kitty on the floor. Throughout the whole time, Morgan stayed silent, and she hoped that he wasn't deciding that he hated her.

"And here I thought I had competition for the heart of Penelope Garcia," Derek muttered to himself, barely audibly, but Penelope heard, and smiled widely.

"Nope, no competition. But you better get a move on, those horses are pretty sweet to me sometimes," Penelope joked, her mind lost in a fantasy world in which she and Derek were standing in this very kitchen, kissing in front of the counter.

"I am _not_ going to lose the heart of the most beautiful person I know to a horse," Derek said. Penelope's heart soared as she heard the word beautiful. Plenty of people had said that she was adorable as a child, but no one had ever called her beautiful, except for her mother. Kevin had called her gorgeous a few times, but never beautiful. That word was Derek's, and Derek's alone.

"Baby Girl?" Derek asked, snapping Penelope out of her Derek-induced high.

"I'm here. Um… if I give you an address, do you want to come and have some cupcakes?" she invited him casually, even though she had a good idea of where this was heading.

"Sure thing, but what do I get for desert?" Derek teased. She laughed and gave him the address, hanging up the phone as she pulled the cupcakes out of the oven. She set to frosting them, and she decorated one with a little red heart.

That one was for Derek.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO KIMD33 FOR THE IDEA FOR THE END OF THE CHAPTER! VIRTUAL HUGS TO YOU!**

**ANYWAY, THERE IS SOME GENUINE FLUFFINESS, AND MUCH MORCIA-Y GOODNESS AHEAD**

**PLEASE R&R. REVIEWS WILL BE FED TO MY DYING MUSE. FLAMES WILL BE FED TO MY PET DRAGON PYROS. HE LIVES UNDER MY BED.**

Derek Morgan had expected plenty of things when driving up to Penelope Garcia's house, but what he did not expect was to get lost, on her driveway, no less.

"Baby Girl, help me here!" he pleaded into his phone. After several moments of laughter from Garcia, she attempted to give him directions, only to lead him into the backwoods trail that she usually went riding on.

"I'm coming to get you, just stay in the car," Penelope said. She walked out to the barn, which was close enough to the house for her to walk there at night.

"Come on, Rose, let's go," she said, saddling the large mare. She then saddled Spock and led the two out to the trail where an irate Derek Morgan was sitting in his car.

"Baby Girl, why did you?" Derek said, gesturing to the horses.

"Because you, my glorious hunk of Chocolate Thunder, need to have some fun and experience all of the perks of loving someone with a wonderful ranch and three horses," Penelope laughed. "By the way, this is going to make your balls hurt."

"Is this your clever and twisted way of testing whether or not I love you?" Derek asked as she helped him onto Spock's back. He held tight to the large black stallion, praying that he wouldn't a) fall off, or b) get bit.

"Relax, Hot Stuff, he's not going to hurt you," Penelope reassured him as she climbed onto Rose's back. She kicked slightly and Rose started up the past. Derek mimicked her, and Spock began following Rose towards Penelope's house.

In Derek's opinion, _cozy_ was the perfect word to describe the medium-sized farmhouse. It felt like the kind of place he would go home to, the kind of place that he'd love to be.

"Do you like it?" Penelope asked as she dismounted. She helped Derek down from Spock's back.

"If you're referring to the house, then yes. If you're referring to the fact that my balls feel like they've been smashed into a pancake, then no," Derek replied, laughing slightly. As Penelope unsaddled both horses, Derek marveled at the side of her he'd never seen before, the slightly outdoorsy animal person that different exist in the BAU. And he saw a light in her, one he'd never seen before, and he really, really liked it. No, he loved it.

He had waited long enough. He needed her, right there and now. As she finished putting the horses back in their stalls, He pulled her into his arms, and pressed his lips to hers. She was tense at first, but soon relaxed into it, matching Derek move for move. They broke apart, gasping for air.

"Derek-" Penelope began, but he silenced her with another kiss, and everything disappeared. The world faded, leaving just two souls joining together for a brief moment in time as two bodies collided in the cold winter air of the day after Christmas eve.

"Baby Girl, you've got no idea how long I've wanted to do that for," Derek breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I have a feeling that you didn't come here for cupcakes," Penelope joked. Derek responded by kissing her on the head.

"I didn't. I came for you. Cupcakes are just a bonus," he said, tangling his fingers in Penelope's blonde hair.

"Well, I think if we're going to do anything crazy, we should do it inside," Penelope said, breaking apart and walking into her house, knowing that nothing would ever be the same.

As they walked through the door, Derek's hand found hers, and she swung it gently, passing the counter where the cupcakes sat, passing the living room that Penelope had decorated in true Penelope fashion, passing the guest bedroom that Penelope had set up for Reid, and passing the deck that looked out over the pond behind her house, not caring at all what was in the world around them as they walked into Penelope's colorful bedroom.

"This is _exactly _what I would expect of you, Penelope Garcia," Derek said, laughing a bit as he sat on her purple quilt bedspread.

"I guess I haven't changed as much as I thought I had in three years," Penelope said quietly, sitting beside him. He tipped her head up and captured her lips with his, content to sit together until the end of the night, but she needed to say something, and she broke away.

"What's wrong, Baby Girl?" Derek asked. A few tears trickled down Penelope's face.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely audibly. He was confused; what did she have to be sorry for?

"For what? Penelope, talk to me," he pleaded with her as she broke down in his arms. She sobbed into her chest, soaking his shirt with her tears, and staining it in a rainbow of colors from the makeup on her face.

"I… I left you all, all alone in that horrible world, and now… now I've come back to ruin the world you've all built without me. I… I heard Jack talking to Hotch, and he… he hates me, and I can't help but think that you all must hate me, at least a little, even if it's only in the darkest corners of your mind… And… I'm sorry for leaving," she cried, tears streaking across her cheeks.

"Penelope, listen to me. I do _not_ hate you. I could never hate you. No matter what. I might not agree with what you did, but I don't hate you for it," Derek calmed her, placing his hand on her back.

"I... I want you to know why I left. It was after the Taylor case. I… I was five seconds too slow, Derek. I… I couldn't go back there and pretend to be doing something good when I couldn't save two kids. All I had to be was _five seconds faster_," she whispered the last part, the sobs slowly leaving her body.

"Penelope, it's not your fault. I have to know, though, why didn't you talk to me?" Derek asked. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was slightly angry and disappointed in himself that he wasn't good enough for her to trust him.

"I… I just couldn't. I'd been toying with the idea of leaving with Kevin, so when Strauss told me my required time with the FBI had ended, I took the deal and left. I talked to JJ for a bit, but I soon changed my phone number, and that was that. But I kept checking up on you guys. I don't know if you guys found out or not, but I hacked into the FBI server a few months back. It was right after Kevin left, and I wanted to do something, so when I got home, I hacked into the server, and found the info you guys needed. I saw what your tech was searching for, and I did it faster," she admitted, leaning on Derek.

"That was you?" he asked, surprised. She nodded, closing her eyes out of exhaustion.

"Derek, I'm sorry, for everything. Can… can you tell everyone that, for me?" she asked weakly, looking down at the ground.

"I think…" Derek began, "that you need to tell them yourself."


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sorry this chapter is so short, but I REALLY wanted to post something today, and I only have ten minutes before my internet stops working... stupid internet... ANYWAY!**

**Please R&R! FLAMES WILL BE GIVEN TO A HOBO IN NEED OF SOME WARMTH!**

**DISCLAIMER: I can't write a script to save my life, apparently, so I really doubt I could write Criminal Minds. Good job to those who do!**

**Also, shoutout to my 40th reviewer, went!**

Penelope's phone seemed to weigh a thousand pounds in her hands. Derek's hand captured her empty hand, and he squeezed it gently.

"You can do this, Baby Girl," he encouraged her. She squeezed back and hit the contact for Emily Prentiss. She and Derek had agreed that Emily would be the best person to talk to; she, too, had left the team and might be more likely to accept Penelope's return.

In an apartment "across the pond" as the residents of the city of London liked to call it, a tired Interpol agent rolled over in bed, careful not to wake her husband as she groped across the desk, searching for her vibrating phone. She checked the number, and it was an unfamiliar one from the states. She hit accept and waited for the line to connect.

"Emily Prentiss," the exhausted London-dweller answered. She didn't know who was calling, or why they were calling at six in the morning, but she did know that if he or she wasn't important, she would fly all the way to D.C. to kill whomever was on the other end.

"Hey, Em," Penelope said hesitantly. Emily's eyes flew open wide in shock. It was Penelope, their MIA tech that had left not long after she had. She sat up quickly and got out of bed, careful not to disturb Clyde as she held the phone to her ear.

"Penelope?" she whispered into the phone, walking away from her husband, and heading downstairs to the bottom of their loft, leaving Jennifer Penelope Prentiss in her crib upstairs. She would be all right in the hands of her father, at least for a few minutes. Emily listened for Penelope's answer, and the profiler in her told Prentiss that the normally outgoing tech was very nervous, like she had apparently been in the very beginning. She strained to hear through the phone as she heard Clyde shuffling about upstairs, and she heard him talking to Declan. She brushed it off, and waited for Penelope to answer.

"Yeah…" Penelope trailed off, gripping Derek's hand in hers as she tensed up, her nerves causing her heartbeat to skyrocket. She hoped that Emily would accept her return. The few ladies in the BAU boys' club were once close-knit, almost like sisters, and while Penelope knew that she wouldn't have the same relationship with them as before, she still wanted to have a place in their lives, and in the lives of their children.

"Well…" Emily trailed off. "It's nice to talk to you again." Penelope smiled widely at the response.

"You have no idea how good it feels to know you don't hate me," she breathed into the phone, her tense nerves slowly calming to a sort of borderline between peaceful and tense.

"I don't hate you. I can't, really. After all, I faked my death. Compared to that, you running away wasn't that bad, y'know," Emily answered. She heard a high-pitched wailing and swore under her breath. As much as she loved her little girl, the child was often a handful for her poor husband. At the ripe young age of seven months, she had learned to crawl, and had a habit of escaping her crib as well. Emily had a feeling, though, that it was diaper change time, and as much as she hated it, she had to admit that both Clyde and Declan were completely incompetent.

"Is everything ok?" Penelope asked, hearing the crying in the background. Since when did Emily have a baby? Garcia felt a tear grow in the corner of her eye as she thought about all the other things she might have missed.

"Yeah. JP just woke up," Emily told her. "Listen, I really gotta go." Prentiss closed the phone and ran to take care of her little girl. She smiled a wider smile than Clyde had seen in a long time, but he had learned a long time ago not to comment on the moods of Emily Prentiss.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, a positively ecstatic Penelope Garcia wrapped her arms around Derek's neck, pulling him close and kissing him on the lips.

"How many times have I told you I love you?" she asked, closing her eyes and leaning against his chest.

"Too many to count, Beautiful," Morgan said, wrapping his muscle-bound arms around Penelope's pale form.

"One down, three to go," Penelope stated, pulling away from Derek. "But these three are going to be harder."

"I'll be with you the whole way, Baby Girl. Don't be afraid," Derek told her, running his hand through her blonde curls.

"Ok," Penelope breathed, pulling up JJ's number. "Time for Call #2."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to everyone who's still reading this. Unfortunately, Mystery picked up a new plot bunny, and she's been grooming it, leaving this one a little messy. I'll try and get her back on track for the next chapter. She always likes hanging with Reid.**

**FLAMES WILL BE FED TO MY DRAGON PYROS. MYSTERY EATS REVIEWS, AND IS VERY HUNGRY.**

**DISCLAIMER: Me no own, yada yada yada no one reads these moo cow**

"Derek, I can't do this," Penelope gasped, pressing the phone into his hand. "I'm… I'm too scared."

"Baby Girl, I can't do this for you, as much as I'd love to. Just try it, and if she doesn't answer, or hates you, then we can continue from there. I promise you, though, it'll be ok, no matter what. You have me, and Reid, and Prentiss," Derek reassured her, placing the phone back in her hand. "Now call J.J." Penelope's pale fingers hesitantly found the surface of the phone, and she pressed the button to call J.J.'s number.

"Jennifer Jareau," the familiar voice of the media liaison answered. She held the phone with her shoulder as she carried Rosaline to her bedroom, setting the baby down in her crib. She heard nothing on line for a minute, and was about to hang up, when she heard a voice she thought she'd never hear again.

"Jayje?" Penelope asked hesitantly.

Jennifer was torn. She hated Penelope for leaving, but was so glad to know that her friend was all right. She decided to throw on her simple mask, the one that would let nothing through, to keep Penelope in the ark. Because, as much as she hated Penelope in that moment, her son missed his godmother.

"Penelope?" she asked, no seeing Henry slink into the room, his new spiderman pajamas a rumpled mess over his tiny body.

"IS THAT AUNTIE PEN!" Henry shouted, running to his mother. "IS IT IS IT IS IT?"

Penelope could hear her godchild through the phone, and she smiled. She cried a little, but smiled at Derek. She covered the speaker of the phone.

"Happy tears," she told him, uncovering the speaker.

"I can hear Henry in the background," Penelope said, shifting the topic of conversation from herself to someone else. She would've shifted the conversation to the worst serial killers they'd ever taken down to avoid talking about herself in that moment.

"Yes, he's demanding the phone," JJ said, warmth overtaking her voice at the mention of her son. "I'm glad you remember him. Seeing as it's been three years and all, and you left without a trace." Garcia felt the bitter resentment like a slap across her face. Her makeup dripped down onto her chest, staining her skin bright colors that couldn't be less appropriate.

"Can… can I talk to Henry," Penelope asked, her crying muffled by her own attempts. JJ balked at this; she hadn't wanted to hurt Penelope that badly. Sure, Garcia had done a lot of damage, but when it came down to it, she didn't deserve that anger, so JJ handed her son the phone and walked away.

"AUNT PEN! IS IT REALLY YOU? IS IT IS IT IS IT?" Henry demanded. Penelope brushed away her tears and laughed.

"Yes Henry, it's me. How are you?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even. She had missed the sound of Henry's voice.

"AUNT PEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?" Henry asked, still shouting excitedly into the phone. Penelope had to think for a minute before she could answer.

"Yeah, Henry. I'm coming home," she answered, gripping Derek's hand in her own as she spoke. "Henry, tell your mom that I said I was sorry, for everything, ok?" Garcia's voice wavered a bit, but she managed to finish the sentence without crying. She had done too much crying.

"I will!" Henry replied faithfully. He still sounded like his six-year-old self, and Penelope could barely stifle a giggle at the little boy's innocent response. Even though he was nine, some things never changed, or at least, she hoped they didn't.

"Henry, I need to talk to Aunt Pen," JJ said, taking the phone from her son. She held it up to her face, unsure of what to say.

"JJ, I'm so sorry, for everything I did, and I hope that you can forgive me because I really don't want you to hate me because I miss you and," Garcia rambled on. JJ felt wetness soak the corners of her eyes. She thought she had hated Penelope, but she didn't. She missed her friends, and she wanted her sort-of-sister back, her lovable, fluffy, colorful sort-of-sister who would always be there for her.

"I accept your apology, P. I… I've missed you so much." Those few words alleviated everything, let the entire world around Penelope hop of her shoulders and stand on its own legs. She smiled wider than she had in weeks.

"I missed you too, so much. Now, tell me all about what Henry's been up to. Has he been good…?" Penelope trailed off, settling in against Derek for a long night of talking, and catching up with her friend.

"I told you so," Derek whispered as Penelope hung up. She replied by catching his face in her hands and kissing him, bringing their lips together as the world around them crumbled away.

"Thank you," she said, "for telling me so."


	11. Chapter 11

**OMG I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG WAIT BUT MY MUSE DIED AND THEN THE SCREEN ALMOST FELL OFF ME LAPTOP AND I'M MAKING EXCUSES BUT WHATEVER YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST AND I HOPE YOU KEEP READING**

**FLAMES WILL STILL BE DONATED TO THE HUBF (Hobos Under Bridges Foundation)**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own the wonderful thought playground that is Criminal Minds. Also, I have taken liberties because 'tis fan FICTION so it doesn't have to be accurate**

Penelope's high heels felt weighted, and the purse in her hand seemed to weigh a ton as she walked towards the sanitarium. She was completely alone, having told Derek not to come with her, and was beginning to regret it. Penelope Garcia was a very social creature, and the nerves that came with the visit did nothing to ease the tension in her heart. As she walked across the pavement, she looked around to see if anyone from the team was around, but saw no one except for a nurse or two and a few families obviously going to visit patients of their own.

She pushed open the door and felt the heat blast from indoors, and spotted an old Charlie Brown-esk Christmas tree in the corner that almost made her laugh, that would've made her laugh in any other situation.

"Hi, I'm here to visit Spencer Reid," Garcia told the receptionist, tapping her colored nails nervously on the counter while the overworked lady behind it scribbled down some notes, asking for info every few seconds. Eventually, the seemingly longer-than-necessary forms were filled out, and Penelope was allowed to enter the common area where Reid sat in a ratty armchair clutching a book in his hand. The former tech approached slowly, not wanting to startle the young genius, but, as it turns out, she needn't worry, seeing as Spencer Reid had noticed her and had paused in his page turning the second she began walking over.

"Good to see you, Penelope," he greeted her, shocking her slightly. She scurried over and pulled a book out of her bag, mumbling a greeting back and reaching to hug him, stopping as he flinched.

"Oh, right, sorry, shouldn't hug you," she reminded herself, holding out the book to him.

"_The Complete Guide to The Doctor*_?" Reid asked, tracing the letters absent-mindedly while staring at the picture of the tenth Doctor standing in front of his TARDIS. He smiled widely and waved to Penelope, one of his odd quirks that had been enhanced by his new condition.

"I thought you might like a book, but you've probably read every book out there that I could find but then I found this and-" she rambled, stopping when she felt Reid tap her arm.

"I love it, Garcia. Thanks." He held the book close to his chest and leaned back in his chair, nibbling at one of his fingertips. He had missed this companionship, the nerdy Doctor Who references and Star Trek marathons shared between friends, and the book from Garcia would quickly join _The Narrative of John Smith_ in the messenger bag that Hotch had persuaded the staff into letting him keep so long as they could look through it whenever that became necessary. It had become one of the main tools Spencer used to keep himself "grounded" as one of his youngest nurses, Sarah, called it. He liked the word because it had nothing to do with insanity. He hated being labeled as insane almost as much as he'd hated being labeled as an addict all those years ago.

"Reid?" Penelope asked, worry clouding her features. Reid seemed to have picked up a habit over vanishing from the world for periods of time without knowing, and he'd done so again. He began slowly and rhythmically beating his head against the chair, until Garcia caught it.

"Don't." she told him, trying to block the fear hidden among her emotions. It was these moments that made Penelope realize that things were very different from the way they once were, and moments like these made her want to change everything that had happened, made her want to turn back time and reverse the fact that she left, the fact that Reid became schizophrenic, and every other bad thing that had happened to her baby genius, but this was the real world and Penelope knew the rules of the real world.

Dreams didn't come true in the real world.

"Ms. Garcia, we need you to step back," a young nurse told the blonde as she rushed to Reid holding a syringe in her hand. "Dr. Reid, can you hear me? We're going to give you something to calm down," she said, drawing attention to the fact that Reid had begun screaming and rocking back and forth, but when Garcia heard the name Maeve buried among the incoherent cries, she couldn't stop the tears from hitting her colorful cheeks as she saw the broken genius sitting on his chair, his attack calming, but his voice repetitive, mourning, as he wept for the love of his life that he never even got to touch.

"Ms. Garcia, I recommend you leave for the day. He'll be like this for a while," the nurse spoke up, trying not to watch Spencer's grief. "This is what happens when he remembers Maeve. I wonder who she was. Spencer won't talk about her… Did you know her?"

"No," Penelope replied sadly. "But I know she was a great woman."

"Was?" The nurse asked.

"Yes," Penelope replied. "Maeve Donovan was the love of my Junior G-man's life, and he never even got to hold her hand." Penelope wiped furiously at her eyes as she thought of the moment that Reid had tried to make a deal with Maeve's killer, the words "me for her" ringing through her brain. She brought to mind her cats' antics in the hopes of forgetting the way she usually did, but Garcia's mind refused to cooperate as she left the hospital and drove home. She texted Derek a simple "I need you", and drove home, needing to try her best to forget everything that happened. She didn't want to remember anymore. It hurt too much.

***i made this book up. i don't know if it's real**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: OMG SO SORRY ABOUT THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENED. MY INTERNE****_T'S BEEN GLITCHING ALL DAY. ANYWAY, HERE'S THE FIXED CHAPTER._**

**_THANKS TO kimd33 FOR POINTING THIS OUT TO ME_**

Derek sat alone in his house, a restoration that he'd loved too much to sell, when his phone buzzed. His sisters had left the night before, leaving him with no plans, and no one to talk to.

When he saw the simple, three-word text, he didn't think, or even pause in his movement as he ran to his car and sped out of his driveway towards Penelope's house. She needed him, and this time, he would be there for her.

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The darkness filled Penelope's house, the normally warm halls made cold by the fear that filled Garcia's heart, the once-cozy home now crushingly lonely. The former tech sat on her casual, country-style armchair, curled in on herself, the TV in the background playing to give her some sound, in the hopes of making it less lonely. Even her little grey kitten, sprawled across the floor like a little doormat, could sense the tension and darkness in the house, but unlike Penelope, he had no idea why.

She heard a quiet, far away sounding chime. It took her a few seconds, but she soon realized that it was her doorbell, meaning that the message had reached its intended target. She stood up slowly, not bothering to tell the person on the other side that she was coming. She simply opened the door, and, as she found Derek on the other side, fell into his arms, sobbing for the Spencer Reid they knew, for the life he should have had, and for everything that she'd lost by leaving. Derek stood in her doorway, long since having gotten over the cold, and held her, moving his hand along her back gently. A large wet patch on his shirt began to grow as Penelope's sobs wracked her body.

"How… how can I do it?" she sobbed to herself, choking on her words. "How can I ask him to let me take care of him when I couldn't even stomach one outburst?" Her stomach twisted with guilt at the thought of her baby, her little Boy Wonder, sitting in a sanitarium, locked in delusions beyond her wildest imaginations, all because she hadn't been there for him.

"I know where your mind's going, Baby Girl. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault that this happened. Do you hear me? No one. There was nothing that could've been done to stop this, but right now, there is a very scared, lonely man who wants nothing more than to come home, and you can give him that. You can bring him home," Derek told her, placing his hands on her shoulders. She nodded slightly, wiping away her tears and inadvertently smudging her already-destroyed eye shadow.

"I know… It's just… I wish that I could make it better somehow, that I could snap my fingers like the fairy godparent I'm supposed to be and make it all better. I… I hate this… this being powerless…" Garcia spoke, her voice trembling. She pulled away from Morgan, finally having noticed the cold air that swam around them, an endless sea that connected them to the world.

As they walked inside, Morgan's phone began to ring, a tone that Garcia knew all too well, even after three years.

"You've got a case?" she asked. Morgan nodded sadly, and hugged her goodbye.

"If you need me to stay…" Morgan trailed off, but Penelope smiled her tiny smile, the one that told him that she was ok, just a bit shaken, and she pushed him off, sending him to his car, which would carry him down a road she could follow in her sleep, to a building that held some of the worst and best memories of her life.

As she watched Derek's car pull away, she turned to walk into her house, and continued redecorating the unused guest bedroom, setting up some pictures of the team's best moments in the shelves to make it feel less empty.

As she pulled out a picture, she couldn't help but bite back a sob. The entire team from back when Emily worked with them stood together, and even Reid was a little tipsy from the champagne at the surprise wedding of JJ and Will. Her fingers traced the smiling faces, immortalized in print, and she wanted nothing more than to return to the world of that picture, and redo everything that had gone wrong, but she knew that she couldn't do that anymore. She set it back down and looked around the guest room- no, Spencer's room- she reminded herself. It looked warm and inviting, just like the rest of her house, but the blonde sighed. It didn't feel like _Reid's_ home. Penelope realized what was missing in a heartbeat: the books were missing. Reid wasn't Reid without the thick tomes that lined his shelves in his old house, and she decided to find out where, if anywhere, his large literature collection had disappeared to. She wanted him to have something to look forward to when he came home.

Her phone began to buzz, the familiar tone of JJ's call dragging Garcia from her thoughts and demanding she answer. She clicked to answer and heard excited shouting on the other end, which she could only assume belonged to Henry.

"Hi, Henry," Penelope said into the phone, and the voice on the other end quieted.

"Hi, Aunt Pen!" Henry said happily, if a little loudly, into the phone. Penelope smiled, warmth radiating from her heart throughout her entire body at the sound of her godson's voice.

"Henry, give me the phone," JJ said in the background. The little boy sighed dramatically, something he'd become great at over the years.

"Bye Aunt Pen!" he shouted, handing the phone to his mother.

"Well, I just found something out," JJ told Penelope. The computer genius grinned her famous Cheshire cat grin.

"What is it you found out, my lovely?" Penelope asked. JJ paused for a minute, as if to gather her courage, before announcing it.

"I'm pregnant."

AN: Yup… I did. Don't worry, there will be plenty of Reid as the story goes on, and every team member will have some time in the spotlight.

Also, 50+ reviews? You guys spoil me! I send you cyber hugs, and maybe some ramen. Mmmm… Ramen.

Anywho, I've got to go work on my other story *kicks muse into overdrive*. Hopefully that'll be up some time this weekend *fingers crossed*.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Over 60 reviews? You guys are too sweet! I want to do a shoutout to all my reviewers, so hang on. *Deep breath* Thank you to SilkenDreamer, Kiarakitty08, lilrocky80, kimd33, Lenika08, Linda, arses21, Penelope295, jayjrat, went, aplb2010, jenninemarie, latinaspice, buddyboots, LoveRainandSnow, smurfgirlx, and, of course, CelticFire32, who also provided the prompt for this story in the CM CFGE. Thanks to all of you and I love you all.**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I STILL DON'T OWN THIS, BUT I WILL! I WILL TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE WORLD!**_

_**FLAMES WILL BE FED TO FIRE-EATERS. PLEASE R & R**_

JJ's cell buzzed on the table, but she chose to ignore it, focusing on Penelope rather than the text from Hotch.

"Jayje, that's so great!" Penelope enthused from the other end of the phone. "How far along are you?"

"About three months, apparently. I guess this explains why I've been gaining weight and why I've been sick. Henry's ecstatic; he's hoping for a little brother to tip the scale back towards the boys' side. I still hope for another girl." JJ's happy voice sounded just slightly tired, indicating to Garcia that she was, in fact, pregnant.

"By the way, you guys have-" Penelope started, and she laughed as JJ finished for her.

"A case."

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Reid sat in his chair by the window, his legs curled close to his chest. His threadbare blanket was draped haphazardly over him, which was normal considering the fact that he'd tried to do so himself. He'd never been good with any type of coordination whatsoever.

Something was off tonight. He couldn't tell what, and wasn't in the frame of mind to ask the nurses, which was a common occurrence. In fact, most of the nurses, with the exception of Michelle, had stopped expecting him to talk at all, and rarely spoke to him unless absolutely necessary, oftentimes before someone from his team was coming to visit.

He lifted his head from his knees and extended his bony legs to the floor. He knew what was wrong. It was Wednesday, and Henry wasn't here. This could only mean that JJ was with the team on a case; Will was busy enough as it was, and Spencer had long-ago told him on one of the rare occasions that Will came to visit that he didn't have to come, that JJ could bring Henry when it was necessary.

Reid missed Henry. It had already been a week since he'd seen his godson. He knew what could happen in a week, what could happen in a matter of seconds, even, and it terrified him.

He was struck with a terrible thought: what if Henry had been taken? Some inner voice screamed at him to be rational, but he'd grown accustomed to tuning out voices. It was a necessary skill to have, or at least, it was to him.

"Spencer," his nurse called out, distracting him from his thoughts. His head snapped up and his eyes followed her voice to the door. "Penelope's here to see you." Spencer didn't speak; he simply stood and walked to the door, sliding his hands into his pockets and leaving his blanket behind.

They walked in an amiable silence, Spencer lost in his own mind and his nurse lost in her own problems. As they neared the visiting rooms, Spencer seemed to withdraw in upon himself, having heard the first whispers since he'd taken his medicine. He shivered a little, not having realized how cold it was. His slippers squeaked on the tiled floors as he shuffled along, but it slipped his noticed, not managing to drown out the whispers.

"We hate you." "You're nothing." "Confess your sins, boy." It was the last that stopped him in his tracks. He remembered that voice, remembered that night in Georgia.

Against his better judgment, he heard his voice respond, "I'm not a sinner." Something in him told him that refusing to defend himself would result in his death. His nurse paused in her walking, waiting for him to keep moving along. This delusion was new. She, unlike some of the others, had taken a liking to Spencer, and wanted to help him. She discreetly clicked _record_ on her phone's voice recorder, taking a recording of Reid's repeated, involuntary response. _I'm not a sinner, I'm not a sinner, I'm not…_ Reid's mantra echoed from the walls, an endless repetition that couldn't silence itself.

"It helps," Tobias whispered from beside him. The hospital faded away, and Reid found himself sitting in a chair, cuffed with his own handcuffs, and Tobias was holding a tiny bottle, a bottle he knew very well.

"I don't want it," he whimpered, unaware of his nurse's listening ears. Michelle was a quiet woman by nature, and didn't want to scare him, but when she heard his voice, the broken echo of his normal self, she spoke to him.

"Dr. Reid, can you hear me. It's Michelle," she said softly. "Today is December 28th, you're in Janus Sanitarium, and you're completely safe." Reid heard her words as if they'd been filtered through water, but it was just enough to pull him out of his own mind, and he resumed shuffling along, refusing to acknowledge his flashback and his delusions. "Reid, do you still want to see Penelope?" Michelle asked as they walked along. Reid nodded, reaching up to brush a fallen strand of hair out of his eyes. His brown mop was still growing, and he knew he'd have to ask them to cut it soon.

"Spencer, if you're going to see Penelope, then you need to take your meds before you go," Michelle said, holding out the pills to him. He reached to take them from her and popped them in his mouth quickly; swallowing from a small cup of water that Michelle poured him from the water cooler near the visitor's room.

"Penelope, good to see you again," Michelle said as she pushed open the door to see the bubbly blonde looking every bit her cheery self. "When you two are done visiting, come and talk to me. I have some news for you."

Garcia's eyes lit up at the mention of news as she asked, "Is it good?" Michelle nodded and closed the door, alerting Reid to the fact that they'd reached their destination. He waved to Penelope, which caused a smile to grow across her features. She waved back, giggling a bit as she did. He was still as adorable as he'd always been.

"I brought you another book," Garcia said, digging through her bag until she produced a thick book. "It's Dante's _Divine Comedy_ in its original Italian. I remember you telling JJ you preferred non-technical books in other languages." Reid smiled at her, the kind of grin she'd forgotten he was capable of, and took the book eagerly.

"Thanks," he said quietly. He looked down for a second before sitting in a large armchair and looking up at Penelope. "Garcia?"

"Yes?" Penelope asked, sitting down across from him.

"Are you ever going to take me home with you?" he asked hesitantly, his pride screaming at him not to expose himself so plainly, but he needed to know. Garcia looked away for a second, tears gathering in her eyes as he questioned her.

"I really, really, hope so," was the answer she settled on, but in truth, she couldn't promise him anything yet. But she, Penelope Garcia, was not a quitter, and she had at least determined that, if it was possible, she'd bring him home with her. She just wasn't sure when that would be.

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After a long visit with Reid, and many sci-fi jokes, Penelope Garcia managed to tear herself away from their visit, mostly because it was time for Reid's dinner. As another nurse, not Michelle this time, led Reid away, Penelope went in search of the friendly woman, in search of the news. She finally found her waiting in the reception area.

"Oh, good, you're here. Now, I have a stack of forms for you to fill out, and a very long book of info, as well as a meds list, but if you take care of this, we can release him to you next week," Michelle told her, handing her a stack of papers that would easily rival the stacks of case files of the BAU. Penelope wasn't sure if she'd heard that right.

"You mean… I can take him home?" Penelope asked, her breath catching in her throat. Michelle nodded, and Penelope threw her arms around the woman, startling her, before letting go and sitting on one of the waiting room chairs, filling out forms as quickly as she could. She reached the last page in a matter of minutes, and handed them off to Michelle, picking up the guidebook and meds list as the kind nurse walked away to file her forms.

"We'll release him to you on Monday," Michelle said. "And Ms. Garcia, please take good care of him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry it's so short, but I really wanted to post it. Just an FYI, this story IS winding down, and I hope to finish it this month, if my muse decides to be agreeable.**

Garcia was positively squealing with excitement as she drove home that night, the guidebook and Reid's medicine list in her hands. After a quick stop by the pharmacy to fill the prescription, she drove back to her little country paradise, pulling her car up the driveway to her warm house. Just the idea of Reid arriving in a week made it feel less lonely.

She opened her electronic babies, for even though she'd left the BAU, she still had several, and begin working on a new program for one of the many companies that had requested her services. While she had close ties to one, she worked with many, and they all paid well for the computer genius that was Penelope Garcia. She lost herself in coding, and didn't even notice as the hours ticked by, until she caught herself falling asleep on her keyboard. It was at that point she reluctantly left the programming for tomorrow and climbed into bed, but not before sending Derek an excited text.

_He's coming home on Monday._

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Derek lay in his bed, about to go to sleep, when his cell buzzed. He unlocked it and scrolled to Penelope's message. _He's coming home on Monday._ He knew exactly who his Baby Girl was talking about. She would finally bring Reid home, where he'd belonged from the start. He fired back a quick _Love you,_ and then fell asleep, still holding his phone.

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~One Week Later~

Penelope pulled up in Morgan's considerably-larger car, since her tiny car wouldn't fit all of Reid's books and clothes with room for both of them. She was dressed simply, without all of her many accessories, mostly to make the process of carrying all of Reid's books to her car go simply. As she pulled into the parking lot, she noticed, to her surprise, the entire team, including Emily, standing by the entrance, waiting.

"We wanted to help, and we wanted to be there," JJ explained, gesturing to the team. "Let's go bring Reid home."

Michelle and Reid were waiting as they walked in, and Reid looked like a kid on Christmas. He smiled as widely as they'd ever seen as the entire former BAU team, as well as Will, Jessica, Beth, Jack, Henry, and Emily walked in.

"Are you ready to go home, Reid?" Penelope asked. He nodded, not trusting his voice, and they walked to his room to gather his things. He was having a good day, and, for that, Penelope was thankful.

They gathered Reid's extensive book collection and his clothing, which they both handed off to Derek and Hotch, who looked slightly irked at the idea of being the one stuck with carrying all of Reid's things.

They gathered Reid's few pictures, including one of the entire team, and packed the last of his things into Penelope's borrowed car. As Reid climbed into the car, both his godson and Jack ran to hug him. He smiled and hugged them back. For once, none of his disease could touch him. This day would forever be a happy memory, preserved in Technicolor by his memory.

He only wished the rest of his life could be this way.


End file.
